There is no tale that does not have another side to it. Therefore, since the issue of sexual harassment has become topical and its discussion in some quarters seems to suggest that it is only men who prey on women for sexual favours, there is the need to look at the other side of the story.
This is because men too, have their story to tell if it comes to luring and seducing the opposite sex. In the case of men, it has not been taken seriously because of the male attitude when it comes to sex. Many men would not believe that a man is lured or seduced because they see it as an “open invitation” and do not worry. Those who complain are laughed at.
That is why there is the need to look at the issue with a very open mind because it is very complicated.
My friend, Jonathan, has been happily married for 25 years. But, it did not start that way because their first meeting was acrimonious and that would have amounted to sexual harassment if we go by some of the definitions that have been given on the subject.
On the first day they met, Jonathan was in a pair of shorts with a T-Shirt and his wife, Charity, who comes from a rich background, took offence to the way he was dressed. She also considered it inappropriate for him to dare to call her, ‘Sweetie.’ By the third meeting, the earlier animosity had died down and they soon started dating. In today’s world, Jonathan would have committed sexual harassment on the first day they met because he had exhibited an “unwelcome behaviour.”
Then there is the story of Mabel who said, the first time she met her husband of 15 years, what attracted her was his butt. “I exclaimed without knowing and even asked Tim if l could touch his butt when he entered the office where l used to work at the time.” Mabel said she did not know that Tim was offended by her remarks and for several weeks, he would not talk to her. “I gathered courage one afternoon and just pinched him, he got so angry because his mother used to insult him with that part of his body which l find adorable. I had to write an apology letter and ended it with if you want a kiss to appease you, l am ready.” It was this ‘apology kiss’ that led us into a relationship. Again, the first meeting would have been deemed to be a crime of sexual harassment.
Therefore, the issue of sexual harassment as it has come to be known and defined, is a very complicated one and must be handled properly otherwise, most people would be breaking this law daily. In addition, it might bring an end to what would otherwise lead to a fruitful relationship for many people.
It is against this background that the passion with which some women are discussing sexual harassment must give men cause to worry. It is also important to state that so far, these discussions have been dominated by women as if some men have not been at the receiving end.
Let it be made clear that this is not an attempt to downplay a very serious issue that is gaining national discourse. What we need is to discuss the issue without emotions and passion. And given the way it has been defined in some quarters, Ghanaian men must get involved, otherwise, in the process of drafting a law for the country, it may end up as a one-sided thing.
There are various definitions, but one that struck me says, it as an “unwelcome behaviour.” (http://www.un.org/womenwatch/osagi/pdf/whatissh.pdf). It goes on to say that “unwelcome does not mean ‘involuntary’” adding that a victim of sexual harassment “may consent or agree to certain conduct and actively participate in it even though it is offensive and objectionable.” What makes it a crime is the act being “unwelcome,” that is “whether the person in fact welcomed a request for a date, sex-oriented comment, or joke depends on all the circumstances.”
In a 1992 manual published by the BNA Communications, it said, sexual harassment includes many things such as, actual or attempted rape or sexual assault, unwanted pressure for sexual favours, unwanted deliberate touching, leaning over, cornering, or pinching.
It also includes unwanted sexual looks or gestures, unwanted letters, telephone calls, or materials of a sexual nature. Furthermore, unwanted pressure for dates, unwanted sexual teasing, jokes, remarks, or questions also constitute sexual harassment.
An aspect of the manual that got me alarmed was the aspect that said, referring to an adult as a girl, hunk, doll, babe, or honey, whistling at someone or cat calls can get you accused. You may also be committing a sexual crime if you turn work discussions to sexual topics, use sexual innuendos or stories or even ask about sexual fantasies, preferences, or history. “You must be alert not to ask personal questions about social or sexual life, or make sexual comments about a person’s clothing, anatomy, or looks,” the manual added.
The list goes on and you will be surprised to note that simply making kissing sounds, howling, and smacking or touching an employee’s clothing, hair, or body also make it onto the list of sexual crimes. Even giving personal gifts or hugging, kissing, patting, or stroking may land you in trouble
You are also likely to be in trouble if you make facial expressions such as winking, throwing kisses, or licking lips or touching the person’s clothing, hair or body. Admittedly, some men have taken advantage of women, especially at work places. But, then, it has also been proved that some women have also done exactly all that has been stated in the manual.
Therefore, sexual harassment should not be made to sound like it is only men who engage in it. Though condemnable, some aspects of what has come to constitute sexual harassment must be looked at properly as it may come to affect our socialisation process. For example, since love does not develop instantly, and given the fact that we cannot determine the circumstances that would lead to a fruitful relationship, it is necessary that we tread with caution.
Sure, cases like “sex for grades” and “sex for promotion” are growing by the day, however in determining these cases, it must not be taken for granted that men are the aggressors. This is because some pastors have complained about how some women come to church purposely to lure them into sin. Some male bosses have also expressed worry about how some of their female subordinates seduce them in their offices with their dressing.
Therefore, how do we determine who started it? In other jurisdictions, some women have used this sexual harassment laws to blackmail men. In the case of men who have been at the receiving end, any complains they have made was laughed at by their colleagues because it did not make sense to them that a man should turn down an “open invitation.”
An aspect of the manual that got me alarmed was the aspect that said, referring to an adult as a girl, hunk, doll, babe, or honey, whistling at someone or cat calls can get you accused.
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