Looking for true love isn’t a giggle. Especially when you look over at your friends who have already found their soul mate. It’s even less of a giggle when you’re over 30 and starting to fear that you’ll never find your kindred spirit.
It’s a fear that’s very real for many of us. The world is huge and, when faced with an abundance of choice, it seems harder to find and settle down with someone we feel is the One.
And the same goes for the men, of course. Everyone of us is becoming more and more selective.
Looking for love is daunting, especially as you get older. You feel compelled to preen the dating sites, hang at bars, go to networking events, all in the hope of finding that special someone you can spend the rest of your life with.
Nothing has worked so far. Perhaps the task is too grand? Perhaps your friends were part of the last batch who would ever find true love in this ever widening world of ours? Fear not. There is still time for you. Let’s take a look at how you can find a love that lasts in this big wide world of ours.
The road to true love starts with yourself: Before you can start finding a man who will be your soul mate, you need to first be in love with who YOU are.
Not all of us get this. Some of us rush into relationships still bruised by our past. Feeling low and without much confidence, we unwittingly sabotage our new relationship. We didn’t mean to. But because we’re finding it hard to love ourselves, we inevitably push our new man away.
“I’ll come back when you’ve sorted yourself out. Maybe,” he says, breaking both our hearts.
But he’s right. It’s unfair on anyone if you get into a relationship while still reeling from past hurts. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll find it impossible to let a man love you. You’ll scowl at his compliments, deflecting them and discarding them. You’ll freeze when he touches you, and your intimacy will be non-existent. He’ll feel all this and it will take its toll.
If you want your relationship to last, you must first of all love yourself. Find ways of letting go of the past and look to the future. Be in love with the moment. Cherish all you have, be grateful for it.
In other words, get yourself ready for a relationship. Just like an athlete warms up before a competition, you need to warm up before embarking on a new life with a man.
Ask friends for help
Searching for true love can present many dead-ends, and it really can be a waste of time. After yet another year of disastrous dates, you’re a year older and still have to celebrate Christmas as the single one.
So it’s time to ask friends to see if they have any single friends they can pair you up with. Sometimes your friends know you better than you know yourself, and they certainly know you better than a dating site algorithm. So give them a chance.
A problem we have with dating sites is that it’s hard to know what another persons values are until you meet them.
Values are really important. If your values aren’t the same as your partners, the relationship is doomed from the start.
When you go volunteering, you know that all the other volunteers share your values: Kindness, warmth and generosity.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you met a cute guy while out volunteering who has a heart as big as yours?
Be positive with all whom you meet
We’re sometimes guilty of adopting tunnel vision as we relentless pursue The One. We ignore the pretenders, and focus on just a certain kind of perfect man.
The problem with this is that we’re erecting barriers and shutting off any chances of stumbling on true love in places and with people we never considered. And we’re doing ourselves a massive disservice.
It’s like online dating. Guys have a theory that, because women receive so many messages, we become really picky about who we reply to. Unless a guy looks absolutely amazing and exactly like their type, we won’t reply.
And to some extent, guys are right.
Are you guilty of being too selective on dating sites? Faced with an abundance of choice, with 20 guys messaging you each day, you know you don’t need to settle for what’s in your mind “second best.”
However, this could also mean that you end up a permanent residence on the dating sites. After five years, you’re still there. While those guys you gave a brush-off to who actually really could have been amazing are now all happily married and doing just fine.
When it comes to finding true love, adopt an open mind. Be positive with all whom you meet. Give people and situations a chance. Aiming for perfection when it comes to true love isn’t natural, and it could mean that you’re forever searching. Life can have a fairytale ending, but only if you’re not the one scripting it. Take a chance on destiny for once.
Get out and about
We think having a dog boosts a girls’ chances of finding true love. You can take your dog for walks into the city park each day, getting to know the other (single cute guy) dog walkers.
And even if another guy doesn’t have a dog, guys just love to come on over and stroke your dog. Before you know it, a conversation has started.
You don’t have to own a dog, but it’s a good idea to make yourself known to your local community. Go for walk, go to book clubs, find ways of meeting new people and presenting your best qualities.
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(Via: CitiFM Online Ghana)
