When I realise my countless but unfulfilled life wants, I bow down to deep grief. But I knew from my very first day of maturity that I hold an absolute responsibility of every situation I find myself. I have been made again to know and believe from childhood that I have relatives and friends, which in actual sense they’re not. I have got few words for all these ones and others outside there that have a thought of offering something beneficial to my life, that they should do that now or never –not when I’m dead.
I have suffered the blunt of poverty for huge number of years, with my equally poor children and life partner. Poverty has disallowed me to enjoy any good thing in life; none of these –lucrative job, balanced diet, electricity, multiple outfits and pleasant place of living; even lack of respect and good thoughts. I dare not talk about mansions, cars, formal education, fame and properties because I’ll end up mocking myself. It is but absurd to release that many members in the extended part of my own family who claim to be my relatives are wealthy, owning extensively what I greatly aspire in life. They have taken their ample time waiting to see me dead, thereafter they will start spending their monies on me. At that time they will buy me an expensive outfit to wear, electricity to keep me in the refrigerator for a month or two, even years, well decorated and more comfortable sleeping bed in a luxurious room, they will buy and hire shelters and chairs to accommodate my so-called sympathiser. They will cook a balanced diet for them; they will spend money to get me an expensive car (hearse) to dwell in; then into the tiled grave and tomb; many others. Meanwhile I lack all these as I live. Take a break, what is the essence of a living flesh to a hungry but dead lion; how is billions of cedis useful to a dead man? Scholars in all fields of study should help answer my question on why a normal human being learn and accept the need to spend greater amount of money and time on the dead at the expense of the living. Well, the world can go on with that but in my case, I give a humble plead to whoever receiving my message –I’m ready to receive your financial support now, not when I’m dead. I don’t need your money neither your expenditure by then if you avoided giving me how much you could when I was alive.
A very powerful and inevitable ingredient in human life is love; its absence makes our living incomplete and less meaningful. Among my dear prayers is the request for enough strength to keep my love for all, and to lose contentment in everyone’s fake financial inputs in my life. Never try to show me your tears when I’m nowhere to see you do. Remember when you reject my calls and greetings, when you hide behind busy schedules instead of paying me a just a one-day visit whilst on my hospital bed, when you promised to love me for who I am but you left me when trouble found me. Feel free and better stop pretending! My living without you particularly will actually cause me no death. It is but my interest that you feed me with what you eat, put on me what you wear. Hate me not but love more. I generally talk about your precious love for me. Strive to show how much you love me as you see me alive, not when I’m dead. The life of a happy man is by the love of another man. Unluckily, it has commonly been part of men where love for others becomes strictly optional and unnecessary at times. Friends and relatives tend to deceive me; they call to find out how I’m feeling meanwhile their calls are only made to see whether their wish for my failure has come to pass. They visit me at home but admire setting traps with my neighbours and enemies. They give me ill-advices and sponsor me with their evil monies to fulfil them. They pretend to love me with their burning hearts but actually wish me dead. When they notice I’m indisposed, bereaved, hospitalised, they squeeze their dry eyes to flow with false tears and force their joyful hearts to succumb to their pretence. They hate me instead. I may be blind to reject but embrace all these deceptive acts but I repeat that you shouldn’t attempt showing me your genuine love when am gone and have been insensitive to every beautiful thing. Keep it useful within yourselves, and don’t make it useless outside.
Many people I’ve sinned; many people I’ve gone against and many people who have witnessed and experienced my wrath, one way or the other. I ask for forgiveness. In the situations where we become attacked and enclosed by the shelter of anger and frustration, we are made to act contrary to our own wishes. To some of our acts, they go extreme and to others, shallow. In my attempt to fight for forgiveness, many receive my countless pleads of forgiveness for my regrettable actions I endeavour to reverse but which I reap no fruit out of it. As a result, some avoid setting their eyes on me, others just hate me, and other people only appreciate and enjoy treating me like a child. They promise never to forgive me, but still feel for my pains of regret. They realise their part they played wrongly. This eventually makes them wish we reconcile, but the way to come back to me after denying my apology is the problem. No matter how hard it takes you, you have only today to spare me your forgiveness, tomorrow may be too late. You may apologise to me, cry and speak out to the world’s hearing; you may kneel more than I would, for me to accept your forgiveness and wish to have called me back to life to hear me say just “yes” but that would definitely be impossible. It takes a lot to forgive from the heart but it pays a lot to do so to me as you see me alive; not when I’m dead; not when he’s dead, not when she’s dead. Remember, by then we can’t hear you talk. It is always better to forgive your fellow beings when they act against you. I therefore love to receive each and everyone who truly seeks for my forgiveness. I can’t do that when you can no more respond to my call –when dead. My mission is to free my mind, my heart and soul. A dead man has no thought of freeing these things. You may cause more harm to yourself instead, have the same mission.
After forgiving and setting me free, it still necessary to tell me whatever truth to save me now, don’t wait. A story comes to mind when I speak about the save of life. In the animal kingdom, young Antelope stared directly to his friend’s eyes, Deer, and told him how desperate he is to save his family from dying in hunger. Deer actually felt sorry for his friend’s condition and wished he could help. In the kingdom however all kinds of foods were under the custody of King Lion. Therefore to get any amount of food, it must go with taking two basic risks from the king –either intimidation (when he’s angry) or death (when he’s hungry). Deer knew but never said because firstly he thought that step was the only way his friend could be saved from his predicament; moreover he knew that was a common knowledge on everyone’s mind. Out of anxiety antelope popped into the home of King Lion who was equally thirsty for flesh early in the morning. Antelope could never return to his family any more as he was knocked down and eaten up by the hungry king. Deer wished to have informed and strictly advised his friend to rather stay with his problem but that was too late. There comes a time in life when it only takes a second party to let you know a great misfortune that lies somewhere on our way. Know that any delay made by some person hurts, so the faster the safer. Moreover, number of our sufferings is due to our ignorance to the key to success. It only takes someone to let you know, and these are the relatives and friends and other individuals who are unfortunately rather willing to wait till the dead point. Whoever hears me speak should be of help to me; speak to give me the key to my happiness and to clear my misconceptions. If you know the secrete of my imprisonment, reveal it and be my witness now to save me from suffocating. I may not come back alive.
Oh Lord of the worlds, bless me in the face of humanity before my last breath. My suffering has been intense and has been to the point of call to the world’s mockery for a very long time. My request to You is a humble one. I have long hoped to receive Your glory, as I have lived long to praise and trust You. Please take away my worries and see me pass through with ease in spite of all the overwhelming obstacles in my life. Bless me with all the beautiful things at Your disposal on earth to the surprise of every man before You cease my life on earth; not when I’m dead. I’m with a continued mindset that God, and any man who possesses my possessing will soon reveal them to me.
My word to the world –It is sad that this has been a common practice in our communities. Good words are for example said about people only when they are dead. The shake and continuously call them when in state as if they can respond; but these actors were the very people who were helpless when he or she was alive. They call it “honour” to waste money on the rich but dead during funeral activities. My dear reader, has such great honours ever been able call one back to life? Or the honour makes impact in the cemetery rather? Oh! Let’s understand our actions. Many poor ones ever lived in poverty throughout their lives and died in poverty but got rich (in love, money, knowledge, affection, properties, forgiveness and happiness from others) when they were kept beneath the earth surface. This illogical character of man has incredibly made people believed that their living is not as important as their death. But God will provide on time if man will not. To those who tend to reserve and deny people, including me, their assets and prefer spending them after their death should have several thoughts of their action by knowing that it is better before than after.
I will ceil my words now but I will never be disappointed in whatever situation. I will suffer to earn mine and I will strive to end my discomforts. I will break to the grave when my time slips away. I will bear the consequences of my actions and will expect no assistance from anywhere. I will keep it on my eyes if I’ve got no one to blow it out for me. But I will keep hope alive for a change of time.
By Marfo Hussain Yusif, © October 2016
University of Education, Winneba
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