The very moment my mother the Koko seller at Kasoa called me last week to watch our very own Bole Bamboi Presido modeling in a military uniform as he proved to the whole world that he was indeed the CEO of the Armed Forces of Ghana, I knew the battle line for the 2016 elections had been drawn and not even the following could take away the excitement in this year’s coming elections:
(a) The hide and seek Secret marriages of celebrities which only marks their first step towards divorce.
(b) The visitation of Oluman Mugabe who feels he can kill TIME by staying in Power but does not know that TIME is rather what is killing him.
(c) The only Ghanaian Angel without wings who happens to sit at God’s Right-hand Side, Bishop Obinim ,whipping a vulnerable girl and her boyfriend in the presence of a large congregation who cheered as if they just received light from ECG.
(d) The story of the numerous fake honorary doctorate degree holders who try to have some fame in their fake names but it is just a shame.
Although Mama thought that Mr. President was too bɔdɔɔ (soft) to be in the green uniform and even Shatta Wale would have looked more Kakai in that attire, Mama also wanted the elephant people to know that ‘no one sharpens his machete just to cut a banana tree.’
So, it happened that the gods of Oguaa in the Central Region were on Sabbatical holidays when our former President, May His Soul rest in Peace, Atta Mills said thatadze wo fia oye. I am very certain if the Oguaa gods really remembered this, they would not have discriminated against one of their own -Papa Kwesi Edzumawura.
As for this one di3333, the Oguaa gods should come again because I honestly doubt this is another case of The gods are to blame.
Well, the middle of the story is that the NDC successfully launched their 2016 campaign at the Cape Coast stadium.
Come and see the people, the merry making, the colors, the big men, the insults, the promises, the figures of speech, the money, the Bieghya, the Collapsed Ghallywood stars, the funny bleaching boxers, and the lessons to all the short men in Ghana. Ooopse! did I just use the word short? Well, who the Chale wote fits, let him wear it, bam!!! Hahaha, whoever says Ghana Politics is not funny and not sweeter than sobolo is a cousin of satan.
Seriously, I can say without a doubt that if one is previewed to all the things that really happen at the campaign grounds of our various political parties, one will then know that it does not take only Donald trump to know that some politicians are nothing but dumb.
Studying Ghana Politics, I got to know that while every Gecko claims to possess the longest tail, every cock is also a town crier in his own dung heap. Now, thanks to politicians in Ghana, everything is now a FIGURE OF SPEECH and the meaning of the word INSULT has been twisted so much so that not even Cambridge dictionary and the Queen are ready to entertain this nonsense.
No wonder candidates in the 2016 WASSCE FAILED pɔtɔɔɔ in English. Before I forget, did WAEC in the name of tightening security use an Item differential Profilesomething-something software to detect candidates who cheated in the section A papers (shading)? Please.. do not ask me how it works because not even the whole head of the Public Affairs Directorate of WAEC could explain that on Radio.
Very typical and unsurprising of WAEC. My mother the Koko seller seriously wants to know: Who cheated who? What Differential what? How on earth is WAEC using a software to detect that Mahama and Lordina both shaded answer ‘A’ so they both cheated? Is it a way WAEC is telling us that they sold the papers to the highest bidder before the exam commenced so these candidates worked out the answers before entering the exam hall? ….or WAEC wants us to know that after all the policemen with guns and hardcore invigilators at the exam centers, the candidates still communicated in the exam hall?
Ohhhh WAEC!! Mama wants you to know that “when you bend down to tell how smelling someone buttocks is, you should make sure your buttocks which are also looking into the sky is tightly covered.” YES, our candidates may have FAILED but WAEC is equally a FAILURE; seriously, this is not a figure of speech at all. How old is WAEC, how many leakages have they not have, and how innovative and creative have they been in setting questions that will promote critical thinking? If there is a grade lower than F9, then is the grade for WAEC. I will not waste my time on you and your cousin bodies who have given us nothing but confused education, Mama will catch you la(t)rer.
Now, back to Oguaa, and back to the lessons of the book- long Elephant people. The truth about Elephants is that they fear attacks from several sides but sadly, theElephantiasis cannot recognize that. Did they see how the NDC hailed Jerry Boom even though we all know he has issues with them? If there is anything like Public relations Harmony and Unity, I salute the NDC, after all, is about winning elections, right? Now, what does my mother the Koko seller see with the Elephantians? Paper fights nkwaaa!!!. Mama ‘s message to them is very simple: it is true that Jesus Christ saw more in Zacchaeus effort than his shortness, but our people say that ‘a fight between the grasshoppers is a joy to the crow’, and ‘if you don’t sell your head, no one will buy it.’ How on earth are the Elephantiasis going into the 2016 elections with their suspended Chairman still battling in court? Did they not see how Lordina Mahama was sacrificed in Oguaa just to prevent a boom speech? With this booklong –I know my right attitude, I will not mind enjoying another version of ‘CHASING THE ELEPHANT TO THE BUSH’. Kikikikiki
I must confess that a few of the speeches made at Oguaa were brilliant. Truth is, I needed not to elevate myself in order to see that most of them were empty and just words for the fans. Do you blame Politicians for this? Politics is now about approaching every situation with an open mouth; the wider your mouth, the wider the applause. Speaking about applause, that was what the Ghanaian contingent loudly received when they beautifully modeled in the Bonwire Kente in the opening ceremony of the Rio Olympic Games and they later went to sleep.
Nii Lante, where are the medals oooooooooo ton!!! Not even the over reliance on our brothers who were carried by slave masters to faraway lands could make things better. How my mother the Koko seller wishes that the preparation of koko and kose would be included in the Olympics so she could proudly lift high the flag of Ghana.
Mama ‘s biggest worry is that even when our athletes have FAILED to come close to the shadows of the medals , we still have mouths to romanticize their FAILURE with their personal bests and how they will be superb for the future. Mama is asking, “na which future be that? Martha Bisa’s future or those who participated in the previous, and the previous and the previous and are still waiting for the future?
To Ghana Olympics Committee, I say learn ooo learn. Even Ghana Police Service has moved on, and now they are arresting and re-arresting their own in PRISON BREAK fashion. Thumbs up to them.
To conclude, I am very certain that the 2016 election campaigns will be very interesting as it will be full of insults and various kinds of figures of speech for those of us who want to see the light side of things. At this point, if Mama says that ‘President Mahama is as slow as a Tortoise,’ will that amount to an insult or a figure of speech?
What about ‘Prez. Mahama’s attempt to speak Fanti is like adding garlic to salad’? Will that also amount to an Insult? Anyway, if you know the answer, just email me at [email protected] but please don’t insult me. kikikiki. Thanks for reading from the Koko seller’s son. Byeeeeeeeeeeee